Okama bin Ramen

Gay Tariban Brog

Monday, March 27, 2006

 

Macs have lower TCO than PCs


MacsVsPcsLowerTCO

It is a known fact that Macintosh personal computers have lower TCO (Total Cost of Onanism) than PC personal computers. This is why:
  1. Macs include iPhoto for free where one has to buy Adobe Photoshop ($1,000 U.S.) on a PC.
  2. Macs include iTunes for free where it's not free on the PC.
  3. Macs include iMovie HD which can edit high-definition homo stag films where one has to pay $100,000 (U.S.) for an Avid system on the PC.
  4. Macs include GarageBand, to make pron music, for free. One can't even buy GarageBand for Windows PCs.
  5. Windows PC's useful life cycles are six months. Macs last at least six years.
  6. Macs don't have any viruses and other okama-ware. Virus software alone costs $50/month (U.S.) on Windows.
  7. iPods work better on Macs due to Apple's legendary software/hardware segregation.
  8. Macs don't send their technical support to Chindia.
So Macs cost $3,000 while a Windows PC costs $300, but in the end, the Windows box costs more because the initial price doesn't include the pain and suffering which precedes after buying the stoopid thing.

 

JET Application (2006)


JET_Application

- Have you ever made self-love to any sticky photo albums of pre-pubescent female J-pop idols?
- Do you eat "Japanese food" more than once a week?
- Are you fat and balding but still a virgin?
- Do you have terminal yellow fever?
- Have you ever became chicken-choked while drooling over a JAPanese girl hentai upskirt in high-school uniform (sailor-fuku) on a train?
- Do you often play pocket pool while watching hentai enema, er, I mean hentai anime?
- Do you want to get paid ¥300,000 a month for saying "Jisu izu a friggin' pen" in front of a disinterested pre-pubescent Japanese junior-high school Engrish class?
- After the initial delusion of the glamour in teaching Engrish in the quaint Japanese countryside, are you going to complain how all the Nips in the motherland seem to be xenophobic and prohibit entry of henna gaijin (weird foreigners) in public baths and karaoke bars?
- Do you have low self-esteem in front of Caucasian females but am totally a jerk front of Oree-enul women?
- Would you like to 'score' with minimal formal foreplay (i.e. playing an Al Green record) ?
- Once in Japan, do you plan to buy spent female underwear on the Internet which has undergone that time of the month to wear over your head?
- If you accidentally impregnate one of your students, would you be willing to 'JET' out of the country?
- Bottom line: Would you like a J-biatch to shakuhachi your purple kokoshi just because you're a henna gaijin?

If you replied the above questionnaire with any resounding 'Yesses', congratulations! You can now teach Engrish to pre-pubscent Nippos. See you on Big Daikon!

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

 

Rice-Fed Vs Corn-Fed Vehicles


RiceFedVsCornFed

Okama analysed whether the Rice Rocket (RR) or the Corn Car (CC) was a more superior form of transport. This is what he found:
  1. Choice of fuel: RR - Soy milk, CC - Pabst Blue Ribbon
  2. Type of engine: RR - 1.6-litre in-line 4 cylinder with rice-charger, CC - 6.2-litre V-8
  3. Power: RR - 200 bhp, CC - 600 bhp
  4. Torque: RR - 100 ft-lb @ 8,500 RPM, CC - 8,500 ft-lb @ 100 RPM
  5. MPG: RR - 60 MPG, CC - 6 MPG
  6. Cornering ability: RR - Some, CC - None
  7. Acceleration: RR - None, CC - Loads

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

 

China Censors The Internets...


internetCensoredInChina

China is censoring 'The Internets' for its many, many viewers. This monkey-spanking is of paramount concern for the future of Web 2.0. For example, when a Chinky searches for 'Chinese food' on google.cn, one gets results such as 'chop suey' and '(choke my) chicken salad.' When another Chinaman searched for 'worlds most beautiful woman who is biologically female and not a trans-testicle,' the slanted-eyed version of Google barfed out the reply that it is in fact 'Ziyi Zhang' and not 'Susanne Sommers.' When another slope searched for 'public enema number one' she got 'George Bush' and not 'Okama bin Ramen.'

Saturday, March 04, 2006

 

Lazy Young Nips - It's Over For Japan!


lazyNips

JAPanese kids lack motivation nowadays. They have no desire to study math and play sports. Even playing pocket pool has become a lost art. Instead J-kids are reading manga and playing portable video games. It's not just junior high- and high-school homos and lezzies either. New nip college grads have no motivation to work, and instead are mopping floors at the local Lawson convenience store. The laziness extends to the recent performance at the Torino Winter Olympics. The Nip team was supposed to win 50 gold medals and only came back with one. Okama thinks the head of the JAPanese Olympic committee should perform the obligatory harakiri in this case. But, then again all that slicing and dicing in the tummy is simply too much work.

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