Okama bin Ramen

In the go-go naughties, there is only one way to stay awake. Forget energy drinks and vitaminwater, caffeine from coffee is here to be hip! Nowadays, wannabe emo writers with asymmetrical bobs tuck behind their MacBooks, homo coffee cup in hand. But which drinks to choose from, considering there are a bewildering befuddlement of hot beverages? No fear, Okama is here! And his gayness will uncover the complexity of the pretentious euro-parlance for fru-fru coffee drinks in plain, simple-to-understand Engrish, that even a fresh-off the boat JAPpy-Chinawomyn person can decipher.

• Americano - Thin coffee
  
• Espresso - Strong coffee
• Macchiatto - Strong coffee with hot white foam
  
• Cappuccino - Coffee and hot frothy white milk
• Cafe au lait - Frenchy coffee and spunky hot white milk protein
  
• Latte - Strong coffee doused with loads of hot white foamy stuff
  
• Iced Latte - The aforementioned beverage over ice and other sweet junk
  

BONUS! - How to make your own cappuccino for a taste of Italy:

1. Brew coffee somehow (i.e. Nescafé Gold)
   
2. Stir milk warmed in microwave or add loads of whitener
   
3. Use IKEA battery-operated milk frother to make bubbles (top tip - don't forget the two AA batteries)