Okama bin Ramen

Nips in the land of the rising sun are getting too old and die hard. There are more than 20,000 centenarians living (hardly) in JAPan. All day they stare blank with their mouths wide open at a TV Screen playing a random Nip variety show at their death bed convalescent homes. Okama thinks these old fogeys should take a page out of the trendy Nip youth movement, which is of the shudan jisatsu, or 'group suicide.' A group suicide is where hip JAPanese youths meet up on the Internets, rent a car, drive up to the mountains, and then either choke on carbon monoxide or pop their cyanide pills. It is a quick and mostly painless process, unlike the ritual harakiri. So please old people in JAPan, either eat more McFood or seek out these trendy forums on the Internets and check out what the young Internets-savvy NIPpos are up to.