Okama bin Ramen

Friday, July 15, 2011

Apple used child labour!

Apple, the boutique computer manufacturer, was caught red-handed the other day using phat ChinKids in what can only be described as Dickensian child labour practices. Often working 19-hour shifts with no comfort breaks in crowded factories, these ChinKids get fed only one bowl of wonton soup per day, often with no wontons. These potsticker children live in cramped quarters, packed like sardines (i.e. three or more to a bed stuffed with bamboo leaves).

You hipster fashionistas need to wake up by pouring some of that hot, scalding soy chai latte on your dysfunctional privates! Don't be buying no frou-frou laptop with a gay fruit logo to write your pron script at the local coffee joint! Buy a real computer without getting ripped off. Okama recommends a Dell Vostro for £229 (after coupon code discounts and mail-in rebates), which includes overworked Pradeep Vindaloo tech support from Bangalore.

posted by Okama bin Ramen  # 8:00 PM 0 comments

Friday, June 03, 2011

Jap Food Unsafe as Chinky Food!

A few unfortunate Nippy souls have croaked recently from eating tainted raw beef in a Gooky dish. This goes to show that the squeaky-clean hygiene standards that more dirty countries don't have were specious. Chinamen and Chinawomyn take note - Jappy people like to obfuscate the fact that they are serving rotten meat too! Therefore, ObR has to get Upton Sinclair on all these crooked nips' bleached anuses who try to push germ-tainted meat that makes your salty genitals swell, leading to a slow and painful death.

posted by Okama bin Ramen  # 7:30 PM 0 comments

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Bye to Crime Time - It's Real Sushi Time!

All around the world, people are being pushed nise-japo food, which is food that is claimed to be from the land of the sinking sun. There's only so much profit Mr. Chang's Chinese Buffet can squeeze by substituting chopped cabbage for pork in his egg foo young. Therefore, in the States, Gookymen and Gookywomyn have taken over all the so-called sushi joints, trying to pass the bunk shiznit as the Real Deal Holyfield. In Europe, Chinamen and wimmin run the fake sushi traiteurs, who force large slices of mushrooms in the miso-horny soup and cheese inside yakitori.

But there is much hope for purveyors of real Nip food. Jappy sushi chefs have launched a campaign to educate and certify fake sushi kitchens around the world, ensuring incidents such as when a Froggy Frenchman tossed his cookies after a Chinky made him a special sushi roll made from various freshwater fish. Next time when you eat sushi in AmeriKKKa or homo Europe, make sure you see the authentic JAP certificate of real raw-fish sushi on the window.

posted by Okama bin Ramen  # 9:30 AM 0 comments

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Okama's Christmas Gadget Spectacular!

Everyone and their okama homodachinkos know that ObR knows about electronic gadgets by the bucketload. Although we Okama-ghanistans don't celebrate Christmas, the Okama Overlord thought it would be nice to enlighten the mislead and uninformed minions what to buy for holiday gifts. These are arranged by popularity from most wanted to least desirable. So read up, lost sheep. Okama's here, making you weep!

1. Tablet Computer - The tablet computer platform uses a thin-film transistor liquid crystal display that the user can touch to surf gay pron. It's central processing unit along with other bits that do the computing are housed in the same unit as the graphics display. This platform was pioneered by the Okama magicPad, but illegitimate competitors have popped up out of nowhere copying the magicPad's "look and feel." Okama is a bit miffed at this piracy, although imitation is the greatest form of flattery.
2. Smart Phone - The smart phone is a class of mobile telephony that is smarter than your ordinary device. The smart phone can perform tasks beyond basic phone calling of the Thai Tranny Hotline, as these devices are basically pocket pool computers. This means that computer programs that can implement value-added features such as address books play hentai enema anime, integrating the features of the Portable Media Player (discussed later) with a mobile telephone.
3. Digital Photo Camera - A digital photo camera is the biggest revolution in consumer electronics since Kodak invented the Brownie camera, enabling homodachi people to take snapshots of each other in suggestive poses. The digital photo camera captures light from the visible spectrum and converts this light to "0s" and "1s" in the digital domain via intermediary devices such as the Charge-Coupled Device (CCD), originally researched by the curry-eating UCLA professor, Chand Viswanathan.
4. Portable Media Player - The portable media player has been popularised by devices such as the Diamond Rio PMP-300 with 32 Mega Bytes of internal non-volatile computer memory. The revolutionary aspect of these portable media players is that unlike the portable cassette format in the Sony Walkman, you have random access to any of the ten perceptually-coded songs inside. But behold, the latest portable media players allow playback of moving images using an 8-bit colour liquid crystal display! It's like a gay movie theatre in your pocket! Happy Holiday five-knuckle shuffle!

posted by Okama bin Ramen  # 12:11 PM 2 comments

Saturday, October 30, 2010

Okama magicPad Announced!

There is much undeserved hype around tablet computers, but the Okama magicPad (TM) is much better than the one made by the gay fruit company. The Okama magicPad is injected with a custom-made CPU (Central Pronography Unit) that runs blistering quick at many, many Mega Hertz Rent-a-Car O.J. Simpson commercials. The magicPad can double as a perverse baking tray when making hash brownies and other Scooby snacks. However, the best feature of the Okama magicPad is that tranny pron can be watched in the privacy and comfort of his own cave! It's too bad it's dark in Okama's cave, and therefore he can't find his gay man-size tissues after the five-knuckle shuffle...

Gay Okama magicPad Features:

• Core2Homo 23 Mega Hertz CPU
• oTunes gay pron player
• Thai ladyboy ping-pong show moving image player
• World-Wide Wank browser
• Okama App Store - OkamaSpankBook Social Networking, Okama-ghanistan Times, etc...
• Okamabooks bookshop and homo eBook reader
• Made in a sweatshop by slave labour at the OkamaConn factory that allows a 3 minute pee pee break every 4 hours

Okama is now accepting pre-orders for the Okama magicPad. Please write down your bank details and mother's maiden name on the back of one or two active credit cards and post to:

Okama bin Ramen

Cave entrance #37

Okama-ghanistan

Postcode 0K4M4

posted by Okama bin Ramen  # 9:12 PM 0 comments

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Nip Food No Longer Made By Nippy Fingers!

Jappy food is no longer produced and processed in the land of the sinking sun. From sushi to sake, Pocky to Pokemon, nippy food production has been offshored to more poor and unfortunate third-world countries where people wear pleated banana leaves for pants. Okama was shopping for food traditionally consumed by people of Jap-land, and found out that his gari and umeboshi were made in the country which serves Thai iced tea! The curry roux and rakkyo were made in Fujian province! Okama could go on and on, but the point is that this madness should stop now! Sukiya and Yoshinoya should stop serving Australian kangaroo meat bowls and put some of that tasty Matsuzaka-gyu in them bowls!

posted by Okama bin Ramen  # 9:17 AM 6 comments

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

China Language Forced Down AmeriKKKan Throats!

First Chinaman/Chinawomyn conquer outside China-land with China-food buffet! Now they shove China language (a.k.a. Chinkese) down white man's throat! China-land government pay for free class for cracker student in public skool. No more Burrito language, Cheese language or Sausage language for you round-eye kids! Ha ha, we make you eat General Tso's Choked Chicken and now you Pabst Blue Ribbon-drinking dive-bar hakujin hipster have to celebrate Chinaman New Year, Year of Eye of The Tiger!

posted by Okama bin Ramen  # 6:30 PM 0 comments

Hi-Fi for (Retarded) Dummies

Okama is a bona-fide audiophile, and reads many magazines on stereophonic reproduction technology. But most people who are not from Okama-ghanistan are ignorant and have no idea about how to get most musical satisfaction out of their LP phonographs and tapes. Have no fear lost peeps! - Okama is here, shagging sheeps! Ugh, ugh! Cough, cough! Um, OK, excuse the Okama. He will now demystify erroneous buying habits of the common consumer. Please take note punters before patronising your favourite high street hi-fi emporium.

• Boom boxes or Bose? - There are only two ways to get good sound. Okama doesn't usually recommend any brands, to keep his web site bias-free, however he must take exception to his self-imposed embargo and recommend the two titans of the home-theatre trade - Sony and Bose. Sonic bliss will be guaranteed when buying sound equipment from these two legends.
• Always listen to MP3s - Originally invented by the Nazis, the MP3 technology allows mere mortals to listen to music that's less than half the size of CDs! Leave it to the Krauts to pack so much schokolade fudge into their musical notes. Kraftwerk never sounded the same!
• Cables matter! - Don't choke your system with that thin chicken wire! For proper conduction of electro-magnetic sonic particles, good cables with superior audible attributes are de-riguer. Just like fine wine costs more but tastes better, the same principle applies to audio plumbing. As a rule of thumb, budget at least a third of your budget for cables, and ensure that the cable diameter exceeds the weed whacker of a Thai kathoey.

posted by Okama bin Ramen  # 6:30 PM 0 comments

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