Okama bin Ramen

Non-believers have always said that Mac-suckers will bend over backwards to have Steve Jobs perform back-door burglary, emptying their wallets. But for the enlightened, such as Okama himself, believes that the so-called "Apple Tax" is a myth. Listen up all you haters as Okama will drop the F-bomb!

• Macs simply don't cost more - if you include the incidentals such as anti-virus software, anti-Trojan prophylactic software, anti-worm software, anti-spam software and anti-dolphin-safe-tuna-fishing software. For example, while a MacBook Pro can cost £3,559 with a 2.93 Giga Hertz central processing unit, eight Giga Bytes of random access memory and 256 Giga Byte solid-state drive, Okama is sure that a similar Dell would end costing the same after buying all that protection software. As a matter of fact, it's Micro$oft that's ripping you off, charging £220 for Windows Vista Ultimate Edition while Mac OS 10.5 (Leopard) costs only £83! Check yo' self!
  
• Macs come with iLife - iLife is the "Office for The Rest of Your Digital Life." With iLife, any okama-hentai-cosplay-chikan can use his gay photos and videos to make a spiffy home movie, and burn it on a DVD before he can say "daddy's home!" With the Dark Side Bill Gates OS, one will need to pay big okama bucks to get the same result.
  
• Macs have better design - Go to any pretentious coffee house, and what do you see? Gay okamas spanking behind their MacBooks! There has to be a good reason why these starving but aspirational screenplay writers have chosen the only computer with a sense of style. The jurors of the New York Modern Art Museum's permanent collection can't be wrong to perpetuate this snobbery.
• Macs don't do games - Think about all the time wasted by these overclockers playing Crysis Warhead and Far Cry 2, video games only available on the Dark Side. Mac users have time to do other things, like touting the benefits of Mac ownership in front of a Dell Vostro owner. Mac users don't waste time playing video games, as they are preoccupied creating content. The proof is in the puddding - pron movies and homo-erotica magazines are often laid out using Macs.
  

Okama, is a connoisseur, and at the forefront of many life pursuits, one of them being digital photography. He has dissected the until-now untold secrets of digital photo camera purchasing. This is the information high street shops don't want you to know, now divulged selflessly from Okama's good will and kind heart.

• Megapixels - The more the merrier! Ensure that the charged-coupled device megapixel count is in the millions to avoid serious disappointment. Nowadays, it is not uncommon to see one, two, even three-million picture elements in the imaging sensor. Count them all - if you can.
  
• AA batteries - How many times have you been at the important wedding or sporting event, just to find out that the proprietary rechargeable batteries are out of spunk juice? What good is this shirt-pocket exploding lithium technology if it's spent? The very best digital photo cameras incorporate AA battery-compatible capability. No more missed money shots!
  
• ISO sensitivity - A digital photo camera that has very high International Organisation for Standardisation sensitiveness is increasingly desirable. Nowadays, it is not uncommon to encounter digital photo cameras that have ISO sensitivities in the hundreds. A high rating helps illuminate dark shots, so crank it up like it's going out of style!
• Movie mode - Make your own onion-bhaji Bollywood-blockbuster spectacle you srumdog mirrionaire! The latest digital photo camera technology has enabled motion film to be captures on a still camera! Teamed up with Windows XP Movie Maker (TM), it's Hollywood at home.
  
• Zoom - The 2x, 3x or 4x zoom capability now offered in digital photo cameras allows pervs on the Yamanote line snap close and tight upskirt shots. Pity the poor sukebe bloke who set his mobile in the ladies room in a Tokyo park to automatically take photos! If only his digital photo camera had a zoom function, he could have snapped super-okama hentai voyeur pictures.
  

There you have it, whether you are ready or not, the above Okama top tips are all one needs to shoot photography rivalling Ansel Adams and Henri Bresson.