Okama bin Ramen

Chindians (Chinkys and Dot Heads) are raking it in making random bric-a-brac lately. The young nouveux riche Chinkos are fast turning into Chuppies (Chinky + Yuppie - do the math fruitcake). Chuppies are living it up sipping Jonnie Walker Red Label and Starbucks while puking it out in handbags made by Louis Vuitton, Gucci, and Herpès. The few things money can't buy you in Chindia is to watch homo pron in the form of Brokeback Mountain.

Nips in the land of the rising sun are getting too old and die hard. There are more than 20,000 centenarians living (hardly) in JAPan. All day they stare blank with their mouths wide open at a TV Screen playing a random Nip variety show at their death bed convalescent homes. Okama thinks these old fogeys should take a page out of the trendy Nip youth movement, which is of the shudan jisatsu, or 'group suicide.' A group suicide is where hip JAPanese youths meet up on the Internets, rent a car, drive up to the mountains, and then either choke on carbon monoxide or pop their cyanide pills. It is a quick and mostly painless process, unlike the ritual harakiri. So please old people in JAPan, either eat more McFood or seek out these trendy forums on the Internets and check out what the young Internets-savvy NIPpos are up to.

Froggies, wasting their youth in protests once again, across France are frustrated about Dominique de Villepin's new AmeriKKKan-style hiring/firing law and have started to burn many monuments of Paris, including the Eiffel Tower, the Chinkee-designed pyramid at The Louvre, and the Arc de Triomphe. Rioters did not forget to loot the sex shops at the Montparnasse.