Okama bin Ramen

Apple used child labour!

2011-07-15T20:00:00.000-07:00

Apple, the boutique computer manufacturer, was caught red-handed the other day using phat ChinKids in what can only be described as Dickensian child labour practices. Often working 19-hour shifts with no comfort breaks in crowded factories, these ChinKids get fed only one bowl of wonton soup per day, often with no wontons. These potsticker children live in cramped quarters, packed like sardines (i.e. three or more to a bed stuffed with bamboo leaves).

You hipster fashionistas need to wake up by pouring some of that hot, scalding soy chai latte on your dysfunctional privates! Don't be buying no frou-frou laptop with a gay fruit logo to write your pron script at the local coffee joint! Buy a real computer without getting ripped off. Okama recommends a Dell Vostro for £229 (after coupon code discounts and mail-in rebates), which includes overworked Pradeep Vindaloo tech support from Bangalore.

Jap Food Unsafe as Chinky Food!

2011-06-03T19:30:00.000-07:00

A few unfortunate Nippy souls have croaked recently from eating tainted raw beef in a Gooky dish. This goes to show that the squeaky-clean hygiene standards that more dirty countries don't have were specious. Chinamen and Chinawomyn take note - Jappy people like to obfuscate the fact that they are serving rotten meat too! Therefore, ObR has to get Upton Sinclair on all these crooked nips' bleached anuses who try to push germ-tainted meat that makes your salty genitals swell, leading to a slow and painful death.

Bye to Crime Time - It's Real Sushi Time!

2011-01-23T09:30:00.000-08:00

All around the world, people are being pushed nise-japo food, which is food that is claimed to be from the land of the sinking sun. There's only so much profit Mr. Chang's Chinese Buffet can squeeze by substituting chopped cabbage for pork in his egg foo young. Therefore, in the States, Gookymen and Gookywomyn have taken over all the so-called sushi joints, trying to pass the bunk shiznit as the Real Deal Holyfield. In Europe, Chinamen and wimmin run the fake sushi traiteurs, who force large slices of mushrooms in the miso-horny soup and cheese inside yakitori.

But there is much hope for purveyors of real Nip food. Jappy sushi chefs have launched a campaign to educate and certify fake sushi kitchens around the world, ensuring incidents such as when a Froggy Frenchman tossed his cookies after a Chinky made him a special sushi roll made from various freshwater fish. Next time when you eat sushi in AmeriKKKa or homo Europe, make sure you see the authentic JAP certificate of real raw-fish sushi on the window.

Okama's Christmas Gadget Spectacular!

2010-12-22T12:11:00.000-08:00

Everyone and their okama homodachinkos know that ObR knows about electronic gadgets by the bucketload. Although we Okama-ghanistans don't celebrate Christmas, the Okama Overlord thought it would be nice to enlighten the mislead and uninformed minions what to buy for holiday gifts. These are arranged by popularity from most wanted to least desirable. So read up, lost sheep. Okama's here, making you weep!

Tablet Computer - The tablet computer platform uses a thin-film transistor liquid crystal display that the user can touch to surf gay pron. It's central processing unit along with other bits that do the computing are housed in the same unit as the graphics display. This platform was pioneered by the Okama magicPad, but illegitimate competitors have popped up out of nowhere copying the magicPad's "look and feel." Okama is a bit miffed at this piracy, although imitation is the greatest form of flattery.
Smart Phone - The smart phone is a class of mobile telephony that is smarter than your ordinary device. The smart phone can perform tasks beyond basic phone calling of the Thai Tranny Hotline, as these devices are basically pocket pool computers. This means that computer programs that can implement value-added features such as address books play hentai enema anime, integrating the features of the Portable Media Player (discussed later) with a mobile telephone.
Digital Photo Camera - A digital photo camera is the biggest revolution in consumer electronics since Kodak invented the Brownie camera, enabling homodachi people to take snapshots of each other in suggestive poses. The digital photo camera captures light from the visible spectrum and converts this light to "0s" and "1s" in the digital domain via intermediary devices such as the Charge-Coupled Device (CCD), originally researched by the curry-eating UCLA professor, Chand Viswanathan.
Portable Media Player - The portable media player has been popularised by devices such as the Diamond Rio PMP-300 with 32 Mega Bytes of internal non-volatile computer memory. The revolutionary aspect of these portable media players is that unlike the portable cassette format in the Sony Walkman, you have random access to any of the ten perceptually-coded songs inside. But behold, the latest portable media players allow playback of moving images using an 8-bit colour liquid crystal display! It's like a gay movie theatre in your pocket! Happy Holiday five-knuckle shuffle!

Okama magicPad Announced!

2010-10-30T21:12:00.000-07:00

There is much undeserved hype around tablet computers, but the Okama magicPad (TM) is much better than the one made by the gay fruit company. The Okama magicPad is injected with a custom-made CPU (Central Pronography Unit) that runs blistering quick at many, many Mega Hertz Rent-a-Car O.J. Simpson commercials. The magicPad can double as a perverse baking tray when making hash brownies and other Scooby snacks. However, the best feature of the Okama magicPad is that tranny pron can be watched in the privacy and comfort of his own cave! It's too bad it's dark in Okama's cave, and therefore he can't find his gay man-size tissues after the five-knuckle shuffle...

Gay Okama magicPad Features:

Core2Homo 23 Mega Hertz CPU
oTunes gay pron player
Thai ladyboy ping-pong show moving image player
World-Wide Wank browser
Okama App Store - OkamaSpankBook Social Networking, Okama-ghanistan Times, etc...
Okamabooks bookshop and homo eBook reader
Made in a sweatshop by slave labour at the OkamaConn factory that allows a 3 minute pee pee break every 4 hours

Okama is now accepting pre-orders for the Okama magicPad. Please write down your bank details and mother's maiden name on the back of one or two active credit cards and post to:

Okama bin Ramen

Cave entrance #37

Okama-ghanistan

Postcode 0K4M4

Nip Food No Longer Made By Nippy Fingers!

2010-08-29T09:17:00.000-07:00

Jappy food is no longer produced and processed in the land of the sinking sun. From sushi to sake, Pocky to Pokemon, nippy food production has been offshored to more poor and unfortunate third-world countries where people wear pleated banana leaves for pants. Okama was shopping for food traditionally consumed by people of Jap-land, and found out that his gari and umeboshi were made in the country which serves Thai iced tea! The curry roux and rakkyo were made in Fujian province! Okama could go on and on, but the point is that this madness should stop now! Sukiya and Yoshinoya should stop serving Australian kangaroo meat bowls and put some of that tasty Matsuzaka-gyu in them bowls!

China Language Forced Down AmeriKKKan Throats!

2010-03-30T18:30:00.001-07:00

First Chinaman/Chinawomyn conquer outside China-land with China-food buffet! Now they shove China language (a.k.a. Chinkese) down white man's throat! China-land government pay for free class for cracker student in public skool. No more Burrito language, Cheese language or Sausage language for you round-eye kids! Ha ha, we make you eat General Tso's Choked Chicken and now you Pabst Blue Ribbon-drinking dive-bar hakujin hipster have to celebrate Chinaman New Year, Year of Eye of The Tiger!

Hi-Fi for (Retarded) Dummies

2010-03-30T18:30:00.000-07:00

Okama is a bona-fide audiophile, and reads many magazines on stereophonic reproduction technology. But most people who are not from Okama-ghanistan are ignorant and have no idea about how to get most musical satisfaction out of their LP phonographs and tapes. Have no fear lost peeps! - Okama is here, shagging sheeps! Ugh, ugh! Cough, cough! Um, OK, excuse the Okama. He will now demystify erroneous buying habits of the common consumer. Please take note punters before patronising your favourite high street hi-fi emporium.

Boom boxes or Bose? - There are only two ways to get good sound. Okama doesn't usually recommend any brands, to keep his web site bias-free, however he must take exception to his self-imposed embargo and recommend the two titans of the home-theatre trade - Sony and Bose. Sonic bliss will be guaranteed when buying sound equipment from these two legends.
Always listen to MP3s - Originally invented by the Nazis, the MP3 technology allows mere mortals to listen to music that's less than half the size of CDs! Leave it to the Krauts to pack so much schokolade fudge into their musical notes. Kraftwerk never sounded the same!
Cables matter! - Don't choke your system with that thin chicken wire! For proper conduction of electro-magnetic sonic particles, good cables with superior audible attributes are de-riguer. Just like fine wine costs more but tastes better, the same principle applies to audio plumbing. As a rule of thumb, budget at least a third of your budget for cables, and ensure that the cable diameter exceeds the weed whacker of a Thai kathoey.

New China Great Wall Restaurant - Menu

2010-03-19T22:15:00.000-07:00

Welcome!
歓迎！

4,000 year of China history bring you sum good food to die for (in Tienanmen Square). No speak Engrish, you round-eye tourist-trap victim, so order by number. Phuk yu!

# 13. Thirteen Good Rucky Number in China-land for China-man. Anyhow this item call "Chop Chop Chop Suey," because it come quick! - £3.95
# 17. Panda Meat Sukiyaki (don't worry WWF-crazed white man, panda die naturally due to bamboo deforestation) - £4.95
# 23. Chicken-Choking Chow Mein (Shrimps £1 extra charged) - £3.95
# 42. Bad Dog, No Scooby Snack (Seasonal). So solly, this meal depend on how many unfortunate stray dog show up behind our kitchen in alleyway. - £1.95 (because meat content originally free)
# 51. Steamed lice (Chinese bedbugs) - 50p
# 72. Powdered Melamine-Based Funky Congee Dessert - You feel rucky? Then our monkey-spanking chef dare you to try kidney-stone-in-pee-pee-inducing concoction.
# 88. Chinese herbal tea - You horny sailor? Then drink this with many good herb for you, including ground rhinoceros horn and seahorses, both proven afro-disiac. Other herb include such ones like aconitum.

Note: All food served in ecological conscious bowls made from bamboo leaf pooped out by giant panda to reduce carbon footprints.

Fast and Furious Rice Cars!

2010-03-06T20:57:00.000-08:00

Toyota, the benchmark of automobile perfection, has been making clapped-out motorised chariots that even the Chinkees would be ashamed of. First, it was the stuck accelerator pedals due to the tatami car mats. What's next? Well, it's nothing less than the funked-up pedals themselves, made from mechanisms that won't release due to a buildup of white, sticky fluid. God only knows what the slopes assembling these things were spanking in the factory.

It only gets worse folks. The Toyota Pious, the most holy fuel-sipping motorised four-wheel chariots is next on the firing line with failing brakes. The culprit of this dastardly deed seems to be the whiz-bang wizardry of the regenerative braking system not co-operating with the hydraulic braking system. Okama says "fooey" to the frou-frou gimmickry of the Rube Goldberg contraption! Brakes are overrated and we should all stop like they did in the Flintstones car.

True anecdote: Okama owns one of those latte-liberal eco cars, and was driving his Toyota Pious around the winding hills of Tora Tora Tora in Okama-ghanistan, when suddenly his car sped up to a hundred miles an hour! Caught off-guard, Okama panicked. That's when the towel wrapped around his head fell off and got lodged behind the accelerator pedal. So he stepped hard on the brake pedal, when its linkage snapped off. In front of him, there was a tree and herd of sheep. Okama kept his cool and did the best thing - he plowed his Toyota Pious in to the sheep herd. Yes he did take out a few, but when his Pious caught on fire after the impact, he piled a few roadkill on the flaming car, and made some mutton kebabs. Bahhh, bahhh, din-din was on the house!

Toro Toro Toro! No maguro for you!

2010-03-05T21:51:00.000-08:00

Sushi lovers around the globe, it's no secret that bluefin tuna is being fished to extinction. Nippy Nippos and Chinky Chinamen are stuffed to the gills with the fish. Gourmet-food whores! Next time you are patronising your favourite nise-Japo joint, you quarter-turning Sea Shepherd homos should be eating only tamago, kyuri and kanpyo. Don't even think about fatty tuna, it's natto hand roll for you!

Asashoryu Quits Diaper Wrestling!

2010-03-02T22:15:00.000-08:00

Asashoryu-ken, the Mongolian BBQ diaper wrestler, has resigned. It's about time foreigners stopped molesting the purity of Japanese martial arts. The former yokozuna didn't contribute anything to fundoshi wrestling. He should be deported back to his home country ASAP, move back to his yurt in Ulan Bator and herd sheep. Off the sumo ring, he was just a drunk who slapped his beeyotches around. Keep sumo only for phat nips! Okama sheds no tears for the gaijin. Good riddance!

Coffee Culture Crazy

2009-04-18T00:01:00.000-07:00

In the go-go naughties, there is only one way to stay awake. Forget energy drinks and vitaminwater, caffeine from coffee is here to be hip! Nowadays, wannabe emo writers with asymmetrical bobs tuck behind their MacBooks, homo coffee cup in hand. But which drinks to choose from, considering there are a bewildering befuddlement of hot beverages? No fear, Okama is here! And his gayness will uncover the complexity of the pretentious euro-parlance for fru-fru coffee drinks in plain, simple-to-understand Engrish, that even a fresh-off the boat JAPpy-Chinawomyn person can decipher.

Americano - Thin coffee
Espresso - Strong coffee
Macchiatto - Strong coffee with hot white foam
Cappuccino - Coffee and hot frothy white milk
Cafe au lait - Frenchy coffee and spunky hot white milk protein
Latte - Strong coffee doused with loads of hot white foamy stuff
Iced Latte - The aforementioned beverage over ice and other sweet junk

BONUS! - How to make your own cappuccino for a taste of Italy:

Brew coffee somehow (i.e. Nescafé Gold)
Stir milk warmed in microwave or add loads of whitener
Use IKEA battery-operated milk frother to make bubbles (top tip - don't forget the two AA batteries)

Apple Tax Myth!

2009-03-25T13:32:00.001-07:00

Non-believers have always said that Mac-suckers will bend over backwards to have Steve Jobs perform back-door burglary, emptying their wallets. But for the enlightened, such as Okama himself, believes that the so-called "Apple Tax" is a myth. Listen up all you haters as Okama will drop the F-bomb!

Macs simply don't cost more - if you include the incidentals such as anti-virus software, anti-Trojan prophylactic software, anti-worm software, anti-spam software and anti-dolphin-safe-tuna-fishing software. For example, while a MacBook Pro can cost £3,559 with a 2.93 Giga Hertz central processing unit, eight Giga Bytes of random access memory and 256 Giga Byte solid-state drive, Okama is sure that a similar Dell would end costing the same after buying all that protection software. As a matter of fact, it's Micro$oft that's ripping you off, charging £220 for Windows Vista Ultimate Edition while Mac OS 10.5 (Leopard) costs only £83! Check yo' self!
Macs come with iLife - iLife is the "Office for The Rest of Your Digital Life." With iLife, any okama-hentai-cosplay-chikan can use his gay photos and videos to make a spiffy home movie, and burn it on a DVD before he can say "daddy's home!" With the Dark Side Bill Gates OS, one will need to pay big okama bucks to get the same result.
Macs have better design - Go to any pretentious coffee house, and what do you see? Gay okamas spanking behind their MacBooks! There has to be a good reason why these starving but aspirational screenplay writers have chosen the only computer with a sense of style. The jurors of the New York Modern Art Museum's permanent collection can't be wrong to perpetuate this snobbery.
Macs don't do games - Think about all the time wasted by these overclockers playing Crysis Warhead and Far Cry 2, video games only available on the Dark Side. Mac users have time to do other things, like touting the benefits of Mac ownership in front of a Dell Vostro owner. Mac users don't waste time playing video games, as they are preoccupied creating content. The proof is in the puddding - pron movies and homo-erotica magazines are often laid out using Macs.

The Ultimate Definitive Digital Camera Buyer's Guide

2009-03-06T23:59:00.000-08:00

Okama, is a connoisseur, and at the forefront of many life pursuits, one of them being digital photography. He has dissected the until-now untold secrets of digital photo camera purchasing. This is the information high street shops don't want you to know, now divulged selflessly from Okama's good will and kind heart.

Megapixels - The more the merrier! Ensure that the charged-coupled device megapixel count is in the millions to avoid serious disappointment. Nowadays, it is not uncommon to see one, two, even three-million picture elements in the imaging sensor. Count them all - if you can.
AA batteries - How many times have you been at the important wedding or sporting event, just to find out that the proprietary rechargeable batteries are out of spunk juice? What good is this shirt-pocket exploding lithium technology if it's spent? The very best digital photo cameras incorporate AA battery-compatible capability. No more missed money shots!
ISO sensitivity - A digital photo camera that has very high International Organisation for Standardisation sensitiveness is increasingly desirable. Nowadays, it is not uncommon to encounter digital photo cameras that have ISO sensitivities in the hundreds. A high rating helps illuminate dark shots, so crank it up like it's going out of style!
Movie mode - Make your own onion-bhaji Bollywood-blockbuster spectacle you srumdog mirrionaire! The latest digital photo camera technology has enabled motion film to be captures on a still camera! Teamed up with Windows XP Movie Maker (TM), it's Hollywood at home.
Zoom - The 2x, 3x or 4x zoom capability now offered in digital photo cameras allows pervs on the Yamanote line snap close and tight upskirt shots. Pity the poor sukebe bloke who set his mobile in the ladies room in a Tokyo park to automatically take photos! If only his digital photo camera had a zoom function, he could have snapped super-okama hentai voyeur pictures.

There you have it, whether you are ready or not, the above Okama top tips are all one needs to shoot photography rivalling Ansel Adams and Henri Bresson.

Chinese Okama Buffet

2009-02-22T02:00:00.000-08:00

New China Okama Buffet

Menu - Served for breakfast, lunch, dinner
Opening/Closing Hour - Mondays to Sundays 12 o'crock to late
(Chinaman/Chinawomyn work hard for money)
but close on Wednesdays, take pocket pool break

Chinese Chicken Choking Salad - Including special creamy sauce from traditional recipe from horny Chinapeople-land approximately 1,394 AD (before Nip people ate ramen).
General Tsao's Choked Chicken - Special recipe from 597 AD when great General Tsao goosed his chicken and creating special sauce from foul play pocket pool spanking his yellow monkey twice daily.
House Special Chop Suey - We onry use finest bok choy and other vegetable grown with five time the pesticide Chinese government limit to "chop up" this old stand by.
Egg Foo Young - Choose from oyster, hoisin, or spunk sauce. Using real egg sometime. Inspired when Woody Allen first opening Soon-Yi's chopsticks wide and commence Marvin Gaye sexual healing with his clarinet.
Almond cookie and fortune cookie - originally invented by JAPan man, Chinese people now make for White AmeriKKKan consumption.

Note: Our factory-farm livestock (prawns, pandas, and porks) all fed 100% organic diet of melamine (500 ppm, safe for China babies milk). Low dioxin.

P.S. So solly cash onry!!! Credit cars special surcharge 20%.

Nips Learn Engrish!

2008-04-03T09:14:00.000-07:00

As they are infamous for the poor command of the Engrish language, Nippies are going to learn how to speak Engrish at an earlier stage, namely in primary school. The ministry of edukashun in JAPan are going to force unmotivated JAP-kids to listen and talk like a proper Uncle Tom. Nip kids will endure 45-minute Engrish classes to repeat phrases like "Harro sailor!" and "Where can I get good white widow?" The ultimate holy grail for all this trouble is to have less Nippo tourists look lost at popular tourist destinations like Paris where the gypsy pickpockets rob the unsuspecting and naive Nippies on the Métro.

Stop The Anti China-Rand Bashing Now!

2007-08-30T08:25:00.000-07:00

We must stop bashing China for all that ails humanity. Just because those Chinamen and Chinawomyn poop in our egg foo young, this is no excuse for the rampant anti-Chinko sentiment. Yes, there is lead paint used in Chinky children's toys that AmeriKKKan children ram through their cornholes, but what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Lead enemas may contain anti-cancer agents as well, as reported in a recent entry in the scientific journal, Nature. Yes, Beijing's air quality is so bad it not only chokes your lungs, but also your chicken. However, they must move on and have The Olympic Games in 2008 - year of the Ratatouille. We should all sit down at a chop suey joint and throw a dash of melamine on our food along with a bottle of MSG.

I'm a Mac, I'm a PeeCee

2007-08-16T08:01:00.001-07:00

Okama will perform some mythbusters on common misconceptions about the Macintosh personal computer system.

Macs are expensive - FACT - Macs cost too much. Only an Okama would want to bend over and hug the porcelain goddess to surf for free gay pron and use electronic mail on this platform.
Macs are slow - FACT - Macs do not run the latest processors that PCs use, such as the Pentium Pro. Instead, CPUs such as the PowerPC 601 and other Motorola processors are used, which are anachronistic and not en vogue.
Macs don't work with PCs - FACT - Macintosh personal computer systems use AppleTalk for networking, which is incompatible with Windows Longhorn.
Macs don't run Microsoft Office - FACT - Microsoft Office development has been long canceled for the Macintosh and people are stuck using AppleWorks.
Macs are for artists - FACT - Macs are only used by okama starving artists and other gaylord pursuits. No rational and straight sexual-orientated person would compute on such an apparatus.

Compressed Music Cacophony!

2007-08-10T06:32:00.000-07:00

If you haven't noticed, the quality of music has gone downhill. Music is highly compressed nowadays, and Okama cannot tolerate the cacophony associated with it. The culprit is what is called MP3 music algorithm techmology, developed by Frau Farbissina laboratories in Nazi-land, which digitally squeezes files using the miracle of modern computing. Think of it as a trash compactor for packing fudge. Okama found out why MP3, or More Punani Three techmology sounded so dissonant to his golden ears, and discovered that the algorithm techmology was trans-sexually modifying whole notes in to quarter notes, half notes into eighth notes, treble clefs into tenor clefs, and so on and so forth. Now that one knows why trans-testicular music compression is bad for your colon, Okama hopes people will listen to more LPs and Elcaset tape-based Muzak.

Nip Suicides - Still National Sport

2007-06-11T12:13:00.000-07:00

Fujiyama, geisha, and harakiri. The third word still the most popular activity in Nip-rand. Yes Virginia, Nips love to make that (last) jump off the roof of tall buildings. Last month, the Jappy agriculture minister hung himself using a belt in his own living quarters. Now that is some skill. Okama still has yet to figure that one out. Props to the Nip brothaz still continuing the old tradition of ritual suicide to save face. Dr. Kevorkian is out of a job!

Energy drinks and other vibrators...

2007-05-17T22:09:00.000-07:00

Everything is 'energy-impregnated' nowadays - prophylactics, Pepto-Bismol, and instant ramen (i.e. Super-Xtreme Okama Rice-Milk Protein Ramen with gummy-bear shaped laxatives). X-Ta-C Xtreme hemp juice has 30,000 mg of caffeine and other yohimbe-based bone hardeners. Okama tried the new Xtreme Sports Energy Enema the other day which shoves caffeine and other amphetamines via suppositories coated with habanero chili paste up his forbidden chocolate canal. Never mind that Okama had red poopy all over for the next week! Despite the rough and raw colon walls, he was a new man when the feistiness was over.

Gourmet Coffee Gang Rape!

2007-05-17T21:29:00.000-07:00

People are hooked on gourmet coffee drinks served at your more popular gourmet coffee joints. There is no end in site to the gourmet coffee craze and even Chinawimmin and Gookywomyn are hooked around the world. The drinks Nippy nubiles prefer the most are called the Frappr-chinos, as they are quaffed mostly by gossiping female slopes swooning over the latest flavour-of-the-month Gookyman celebrity. The caffeine content in these fancy coffee drinks like cafe au lait and Frappr-chinkos, keeps the chatty biologically-female population quite batty. Free Wi-Fi gourmet coffee joints are more than an unemployed starving writer hangout nowadays - it's a rifestyle! Put some extra boba in Okama's Frappr-chinko please!

Chinamen kill pets!

2007-05-06T10:08:00.000-07:00

Chinarand has hit a food crisis, due to their population growth, which is growing faster than the Bean People's. The Chinaman/Chinawoman is poisoning AmeriKKKan pets by formulating dogg and feline food with melamine, which is rich in nitrogen and protein. All this to secure a stable supply of dead ferrets to sell to Chinese buffet owners. Chinapeople will make any dead animal into Chinese Chicken-Choking Salad at the nearest Chop Suey joint. Ignorance is bliss when you're actually eating Kung Pao Ferret and General Tsao's Ferret!

Metabolic Syndrome = Lose Some Weight Nips!

2007-04-28T22:00:00.000-07:00

JAPanMen and JAPanWomen in JAPan are getting too fat for their bone-skinny clothes. Chugging 500-calorie chocolate creek drinks and Big Macs have made Nips who are fat as the most obese in-bred Aryan Supremacist rednecks from the Deep South. Everything in JAPan is AmeriKKKan sized nowdays, poop-pipe enemas to 12-Piece Buckets. Wake up fat JAPpy people and stop senzuri with your kokeshi! McDonalds in JAPan need to rethink their offerings a bit by introducing more seaweed, natto, and roly-poly fish heads into their fare. Only then will Nip's hips be reduced to pre-WW II measurements...

We are what we eat - Made In Chinaland

2007-04-25T21:50:00.000-07:00

Everything, including bursting condoms while having hot and steamy gay baby-making is made in China-rand nowadays. Nothing is sacred - the last time Okama checked, his cotton diaper he wraps around his nappy head had a cheap label indicating that it was no longer made in Okama-ghanistan. Even Mexican food is made by China-men and China-wimmin. Okama went to his favourite taco stand the other day and found that some Chinkees were frying tortilla chips in the backdoor kitchen. Apparently, they got fired for goosing their Peking duck heads whilst making dim sum hot buns at the chop suey take away - their previous job. That's some Chinese rice porridge Okama will miss dearly.

JorgeHajime - MexiJap Orgy Fusion Eatery

2007-04-24T07:37:00.000-07:00

Prix fixe dêjeuner menu - 195 (in '$' not pesos):

:: Apertif ::

Corona Sake bomb - Jap jizake dropped in Mexican jumping bean brew make for an explosive A-bomb experience only rivaled by Hiroshima and Nagasaki times two-and-a-half.

:: Primi ::

Tuna Tacos - Spoilt Tsukiji tuna wrapped in corn tortillas make eating this beaver out just like the real thing.

:: Pièce de résistance ::

Okama bean Ramen - Ramen noodles made from chopped flour tortillas and the white, cloudy refried-bean miso horny soup make for a protein-enriched and rather tart taste-bud sensory piss-butt overload.

:: Le Dessert ::

Mochi Flan - Inside this traditional Mexican dessert, one can find a moldy piece of mochi in all its fuzzy orange and green glory. It is said that the mold growth in JAPanese rice cakes have an effect similar to penicillin and other antioxidants. If the Tuna Tacos didn't send you running for Imodium, this MexiNip fusion dessert will certainly end your day with Hershey squirts.

No End In Sight: The Digtal Camera Megapixel Race

2007-04-02T22:02:00.000-07:00

Nowadays, Chinamen and rice chasers are switching in droves from 35mm film cameras to digitalized camera devices. These cameras use a device called a 'CCD' (Choked Chicken D!ckbarf) to capture the image of losers like Okama shooting pocket pool in front of his Internets-enabled cumputer. The major issue with digitalized cameras are that a new one is stuffed down the throats of innocent consumers every month. This is referred to as the "Digitized Camera Megapixels Race Relations." A 'megapixels' refers to more than 10,000 picture elements which make up a wank-worthy pornography photo. The camera which notable photographer Ansel Adams used had less than one megapixels. Wassup, Okama's digitalized camera features 2 megapixels! However, this month, low and behold, a three-megapixels camera was introduced at the PMA show. There is no end in sight of the digitized camera race war and there is no love nor peace in the short term...

Nip Kids Go Back To Saturday Skool!

2007-01-23T20:53:00.000-08:00

Japan's ministry of education has now admitted that their initiative of yutori kyoiku (cram-free edumacashun) sucks like Okama's salty balls. Originally designed to take the pressure off entrance-exam-paranoid-suicidal JAPpy-kids, yutori kyoiku was supposed to create more musicians, artists and poets. Reality was that most NIPpy-kids ended up playing Dragon Quest VIII (or with their sperm pumps) on Saturdays, which used to be a half day of skool. Stop the wanking children! Let's reinstate entrance-exam hell and corporal punishment for these lazy slope kids so Japan doesn't become like North Korea! Ret's go back to Saturday skool!

Burberry No Longer British

2007-01-23T20:23:00.000-08:00

Burberry is sadly no longer made by the now-redundant Welsh workers, as their Treorchy factory is closed. It is to be now produced using chopsticks, not knitting needles, by Chinamen and Chinawomen in an illegal sweatshop in Chinaland. Burberry is no longer British as soapy peas, and The Queen will revoke their royal seal of approval. Okama thinks the Welsh factory can still be kept British by opening a new location on Brixton High Street and employing disenfranchised Paki-Pakis making the scarves that Nippy high-school ko-gals go ga-ga over.

Funked Up Fujiya Food!

2007-01-19T17:49:00.000-08:00

Fujiya, the JAPanese dessert specialist is in deep doo doo right now for literally putting dookie in people's mouths. Apparently in the Fujiya cream puff factory, a homo whipped out a batch while assembling the pastry and some people who ate this concoction had episodes of diarrhoea among other cookie-tossing incidents. Please perverted pastry factory workers, do not play pocket pool while looking at photos of Peko-chan bending over!

JapKids 'Jisatsu' Hijinks

2006-12-12T20:37:00.000-08:00

Nip kids are at it again, making jisatsu (or JapTalk for 'suicide') fashionable. Low self esteem raw-fish children are being bullied into hanging from a tree. That must suck big time. Hey bullies, Leave Them Kids Alone! It's not cool that depressed Jappies are jumping off high-rise apartments and strapping their necks with their belts from a tree in the school courtyard. Okama thinks the first person witnessing the shiznit will have the living daylights shocked out of them and then think about the mess that has to cleaned up! So pretty please nippy kids with sugar on top, either buy yourself a switchblade for protection or think before you act strange.

'Nise Japo' - Non-Authentic Nip Nourishment

2006-11-14T07:16:00.000-08:00

Around the world, fake Jappy food is being promulgated and forced down poor Whitey's throats, who wouldn't know $#!t from shinola. These gay dildo restaurant owners are usually of Gooky or Chinaman/Chinawoman descent. In FroggieLand, for example, Frenchy-Chinks, who own their so-called Jap-Food joints, serve skewered meatballs filled with cheese and some kind of oree-anal soup with huge slices of mushroom floating in it. This gag-inducing excuse for Nip food is served beside egg rolls and other ping-pong show food. As these non-Jappo owners don't know any Nip-speak, many of these rice joints are adorned with signs such as 'Yokorama' and 'Sajitama.' Hmm, sounds like real JAPanese to Okama! Wake up sushi chefs from the Rand of the Sinking Sun and inhale the diarrhoea! Don't let the other slopes take over Nippy Nourishment (TM) and have menus serving miso (horny) soup!

Windows Vista sucks Ballmers!

2006-10-18T07:38:00.000-07:00

Windows Vista, the next version of the WinDoze operating system software, in a sentence, sucks the color out of a marble! It looks like a bad copy of the original Mac OS, which came in '84. It will also cost an arm and a phallic appendage to purchase. The 'Super Ultimate Special Deluxe' version will cost 500 U.S. smackers when released, which means families will have to spend 2,500 clams for five computers. Do the math, homo erectus! Windows Vista will also contain WinBlows Genuine Advantage, which makes you activate the product every hour and phones your computer every other minute to make sure that your copy isn't a torrented fake from Chop Suey Land. Wake up WinBlowjob lemmings! Drop the K-Y and witch to Mac OS 7.0.1!

Nips Work To Be Poor

2006-09-29T07:46:00.000-07:00

Most Nips in JAPan are among the 'working poor.' Greedy Nip companies are in part responsible for the four million JAPs who work like beeyatchs but only can feed themselves a half a bowl of rice and few slices of takuan (JAPanese pickled radish). Okama is saddened that slants in the Land Of The Sinking Sun cannot eat a nice big bowl of gyu-don (beef bowl) and get stomach cancer in the long run.

ChinaPeople Love JAPanimation...

2006-09-07T16:43:00.000-07:00

The Chinaman government is frustrated that most Chinkids watch JAPenemation. Therefore, a ban is now in place that prohibits all chicken-choking Chinkids from watching
Yu-Gi-Oh-myGodIJustShotALoadInMyPants and other gay Pokemon-clones. Okama guesses that young Chinamen and Chinagirls have to put up with commie government-issued
propaganda disguised as animation - which is no different from AmeriKKKan kids who want to be raped by Ronald McDonald then.

Chinaman Kids Get Phat

2006-08-23T12:03:00.000-07:00

No, not that kind of phat actually. Chinkee children are gorging themselves in a glutton of high-fat snacks like Cheese Nips and coconut milk. Young Chinamen and Chinawomen do not partake in traditional physical exercise activities such as Tai-chee and Chinese acrobatics. Instead they whip out batches at their local cybercafe, boba-tea drink in hand. Young Chinkids need to go easy the high-calorie panda meat and other exotic aphrodisiacs.

Is This Sushi For Real?

2006-08-22T15:39:00.000-07:00

AmeriKKKans and other white nations are bastadizing the revered and sacred JAPanese dish of sushi. Instead of making authentic faire such as fish eyeballs and testes, the white supremacists are wrapping carrots and cream cheese with seaweed. Gooky people are not exempt from blame either. Gooky Gooky Gooks stuff sushi rolls with sesame oil and ground beef. Last time Okama checked beef wasn't even a type of fish! This madness must be stopped so that people outside of the NIP motherland know what authentic sushi is about.

GookJaps Fakin' It

2006-08-17T08:26:00.000-07:00

As Nips in the rand of the sinking sun are, as always, insincere, insular and xenophobic, Gooky people who grew up in Japan often had to hide their kimchee identity and donning of pointy footwear. Kind of like what Jews and Guidos had to do in the States (i.e. 'Tony Bennett'). Here's a sampling of GookJaps, or dog eaters who live in the land of the rising erection.

Riki Douzan - Old-school Gooky wrestler (real name: "Kim Shinraku") who later partaked in sumo wrestling and sucked at it.

Saijou Hideki - JAPan-born Gookman singer, not that this bothered many swooning female fans who opened their purses as wide as their daikon legs.

Hotei Tomoyasu - Half Nip, quarter commie-Russian, and another quarter Gookman, here is a ethnically-confused former bandmember of the now-defunct band, Boowy. Whoops, did Okama say he was only one-quarter gooky?

Micro$oft Creates iPod Killers...

2006-08-04T18:15:00.000-07:00

Micro$haft has finally created the product which will fellate the ubiquitous iPod. This MP3 asexual music reproduction device will be called the Micro$ofty 'Zune.' Although the iPod is available only in ebony or ivory (in August 2006), the Zune will be available in multiple colors. Micro$hinola will even buy Janet Jackson booby commercial time during the Superbowl. Accessories will be available for the Zune when the shiznit will finally ship. Finally, Zune will be able to play gay pron video in later iterations of the mo'fo. All these awesome okama innovations, that surely Apple has never thought of, will ensure that the Zune will take over the planet beeyotch. Die iPod die!

Gaijins Gang-rape Ganguros...

2006-07-13T22:21:00.000-07:00

Well, not really, but not since the euphemistically-known Nanking incident has there been so much rape and pillage in a country. Gaijins with their smelly baggage of B.O. are raiding public baths and karaoke bars in JAPan. They are simply taking over NIPpon, prodding all the punani they can eat and teaching at all the GEOS, NOVA, and AEON Engrish language schools by the train stations. There is an immigration problem going in the land of the sinking sun and something must be done! Wake up freeters!

Facts Of The Model Minority, Part Two

2006-07-13T21:18:00.000-07:00

There is a disturbing myth in AmeriKKKa that all Asian children fiddle the violin and prepare themselves for a vicodin medical career. This skewed perception hurts status-quo Nips, Chinkys, Gookys, and Flips greatly as not all get accepted into Harvard medical skool.

Okama would like to present an example. Let's bring exhibit A, a fictitious second-generation Chinaman named 'Dickmond Dong.' Dickmond has a degree in the liberal arts, and lives a bohemian lifestyle. He listens to Indie Rock instead of Erasure. The typical Asian work ethic is not carried on by Dickmond. Mr. Dong instead prefers to musically molest his guitar and read books by the beat generation. Dickmond is also very detached from his Chinkie roots and often seen pouring soy sauce over rice and orders General Tsao's Chicken at chop suey joints. Dickmond works odd jobs such as performing on the street or selling his own semen.

There you have it folks. Okama has proven that not all Asian college students are success stories. The media is again not in touch with reality.

Gooky Gooks Want Imbecile Island

2006-05-11T07:33:00.000-07:00

Pul-go ki eaters want a little pathetic patch of doodoo called Takeshima (in Jap speak, Tokdo in Gook speak) so that they could catch more mackerel to drain the brain juice to make that kim-chee shiznit. Elementary schools in Korea are even encouraging students to draw pictures of how much they hate JAPan for taking away what rightfully belongs to them. Okama says the Nippies should just give the Gooky Gooks that piece of shinola just to shut them up.

Fishy Phishing Fool Fools

2006-05-11T07:22:00.000-07:00

Okama is very heartbroken to have recently been a victim of a phishing scheme. He got a mail in his inbox stating to update his Paypal account since some fairy was trying to break in to it. So Okama proceeds, goes to Pay_pals.com, and willingly gives the requisite personal information including debit card number, pin number, bank account number, mother's maiden name, homosexual orientation, and how many times he whips out a batch to gay pron. Okama was shocked to see his Paypal account whittle to less than 50 Linden Dollars. So all you fruity-cakes watch your cornhole when you get an e-mail supposedly from ebay or Paypal stating that you have to update your account because someone is trying to break the condom.

Enough With 'Retro' Automobiles!

2006-05-05T18:49:00.000-07:00

Automakers, with the exception of Tata in India, are fresh out of stale design ideas. Global automakers are increasingly looking to the past, not the future for inspiration in designing The Next Big Profit Centre. Witness the resurrection of once defunct models such as the Honda Civic and Porsche 911. The Citroën 2CV looks as it was never updated since the C3!

Chuppies - Livin' It Up

2006-04-24T17:50:00.000-07:00

Chindians (Chinkys and Dot Heads) are raking it in making random bric-a-brac lately. The young nouveux riche Chinkos are fast turning into Chuppies (Chinky + Yuppie - do the math fruitcake). Chuppies are living it up sipping Jonnie Walker Red Label and Starbucks while puking it out in handbags made by Louis Vuitton, Gucci, and Herpès. The few things money can't buy you in Chindia is to watch homo pron in the form of Brokeback Mountain.

Old Ailing Nips - Live Too Long Time

2006-04-09T10:20:00.000-07:00

Nips in the land of the rising sun are getting too old and die hard. There are more than 20,000 centenarians living (hardly) in JAPan. All day they stare blank with their mouths wide open at a TV Screen playing a random Nip variety show at their death bed convalescent homes. Okama thinks these old fogeys should take a page out of the trendy Nip youth movement, which is of the shudan jisatsu, or 'group suicide.' A group suicide is where hip JAPanese youths meet up on the Internets, rent a car, drive up to the mountains, and then either choke on carbon monoxide or pop their cyanide pills. It is a quick and mostly painless process, unlike the ritual harakiri. So please old people in JAPan, either eat more McFood or seek out these trendy forums on the Internets and check out what the young Internets-savvy NIPpos are up to.

Fretting Froggies Fornicate Paris...

2006-04-07T14:19:00.000-07:00

Froggies, wasting their youth in protests once again, across France are frustrated about Dominique de Villepin's new AmeriKKKan-style hiring/firing law and have started to burn many monuments of Paris, including the Eiffel Tower, the Chinkee-designed pyramid at The Louvre, and the Arc de Triomphe. Rioters did not forget to loot the sex shops at the Montparnasse.

Macs have lower TCO than PCs

2006-03-27T20:08:00.000-08:00

It is a known fact that Macintosh personal computers have lower TCO (Total Cost of Onanism) than PC personal computers. This is why:

Macs include iPhoto for free where one has to buy Adobe Photoshop ($1,000 U.S.) on a PC.
Macs include iTunes for free where it's not free on the PC.
Macs include iMovie HD which can edit high-definition homo stag films where one has to pay $100,000 (U.S.) for an Avid system on the PC.
Macs include GarageBand, to make pron music, for free. One can't even buy GarageBand for Windows PCs.
Windows PC's useful life cycles are six months. Macs last at least six years.
Macs don't have any viruses and other okama-ware. Virus software alone costs $50/month (U.S.) on Windows.
iPods work better on Macs due to Apple's legendary software/hardware segregation.
Macs don't send their technical support to Chindia.

So Macs cost $3,000 while a Windows PC costs $300, but in the end, the Windows box costs more because the initial price doesn't include the pain and suffering which precedes after buying the stoopid thing.

JET Application (2006)

2006-03-27T20:05:00.000-08:00

- Have you ever made self-love to any sticky photo albums of pre-pubescent female J-pop idols?
- Do you eat "Japanese food" more than once a week?
- Are you fat and balding but still a virgin?
- Do you have terminal yellow fever?
- Have you ever became chicken-choked while drooling over a JAPanese girl hentai upskirt in high-school uniform (sailor-fuku) on a train?
- Do you often play pocket pool while watching hentai enema, er, I mean hentai anime?
- Do you want to get paid ¥300,000 a month for saying "Jisu izu a friggin' pen" in front of a disinterested pre-pubescent Japanese junior-high school Engrish class?
- After the initial delusion of the glamour in teaching Engrish in the quaint Japanese countryside, are you going to complain how all the Nips in the motherland seem to be xenophobic and prohibit entry of henna gaijin (weird foreigners) in public baths and karaoke bars?
- Do you have low self-esteem in front of Caucasian females but am totally a jerk front of Oree-enul women?
- Would you like to 'score' with minimal formal foreplay (i.e. playing an Al Green record) ?
- Once in Japan, do you plan to buy spent female underwear on the Internet which has undergone that time of the month to wear over your head?
- If you accidentally impregnate one of your students, would you be willing to 'JET' out of the country?
- Bottom line: Would you like a J-biatch to shakuhachi your purple kokoshi just because you're a henna gaijin?

If you replied the above questionnaire with any resounding 'Yesses', congratulations! You can now teach Engrish to pre-pubscent Nippos. See you on Big Daikon!

Rice-Fed Vs Corn-Fed Vehicles

2006-03-15T08:51:00.000-08:00

Okama analysed whether the Rice Rocket (RR) or the Corn Car (CC) was a more superior form of transport. This is what he found:

Choice of fuel: RR - Soy milk, CC - Pabst Blue Ribbon
Type of engine: RR - 1.6-litre in-line 4 cylinder with rice-charger, CC - 6.2-litre V-8
Power: RR - 200 bhp, CC - 600 bhp
Torque: RR - 100 ft-lb @ 8,500 RPM, CC - 8,500 ft-lb @ 100 RPM
MPG: RR - 60 MPG, CC - 6 MPG
Cornering ability: RR - Some, CC - None
Acceleration: RR - None, CC - Loads

China Censors The Internets...

2006-03-14T21:12:00.000-08:00

China is censoring 'The Internets' for its many, many viewers. This monkey-spanking is of paramount concern for the future of Web 2.0. For example, when a Chinky searches for 'Chinese food' on google.cn, one gets results such as 'chop suey' and '(choke my) chicken salad.' When another Chinaman searched for 'worlds most beautiful woman who is biologically female and not a trans-testicle,' the slanted-eyed version of Google barfed out the reply that it is in fact 'Ziyi Zhang' and not 'Susanne Sommers.' When another slope searched for 'public enema number one' she got 'George Bush' and not 'Okama bin Ramen.'

Lazy Young Nips - It's Over For Japan!

2006-03-04T10:47:00.000-08:00

JAPanese kids lack motivation nowadays. They have no desire to study math and play sports. Even playing pocket pool has become a lost art. Instead J-kids are reading manga and playing portable video games. It's not just junior high- and high-school homos and lezzies either. New nip college grads have no motivation to work, and instead are mopping floors at the local Lawson convenience store. The laziness extends to the recent performance at the Torino Winter Olympics. The Nip team was supposed to win 50 gold medals and only came back with one. Okama thinks the head of the JAPanese Olympic committee should perform the obligatory harakiri in this case. But, then again all that slicing and dicing in the tummy is simply too much work.

J-Girls Heart Gooky Guys!

2006-02-28T22:40:00.000-08:00

JAPanese girls and middle aged obasan alike are horny for gooky genitalia. They would rather grab some of that Korean bul-go-gi meat than uncooked JAPanese fish balls. ObR guesses there is something to be said about the pretty boy okama Korean actors such as Bae Yong Joon compared to introverted JAPanese otaku types who spank their monkeys at maid cafes in Akihabara. Wake up Nip homos and take back your own comfort wimmin!

Facts Of The Model Minority

2006-02-25T17:24:00.000-08:00

There is a prevalent myth that Asian AmeriKKKans are the 'Model Minority.' They seem to all have college degrees and cushy white-collar jobs. Nothing can be further from the truth! Wake up Oree-enuls! There is a glass ceiling that prevent slopes from grabbing the CEO position at cracker banks and universities. Real Asian AmeriKKKans drive clapped-out Integras in San Gabriel Valley, join the Wa Ching, and have never signed up for AP Biology.

iPods Kill!

2006-02-15T09:45:00.000-08:00

The new word in town is that iPods, the overpriced MP3 player, is a mass murderer! It kills ears, rendering them useless (i.e. "WHAT? You'll have to speak up since Okama's been blasting Kelly Clarkson in his cave again!"). AmeriKKKans have banded together to fight Apple since it's their fault for not providing a safeguard, like the Froggie (French) iPods which limit sound output. And what's with those rim-job ripoff iPods anyway? A new one comes out every month, draining the dingles out of ObR's Gay Tariban funds. The new iPods are thinner, but so is Okama's wallet.

AmeriKKKa Sends BSE To JAPan

2006-02-08T09:25:00.000-08:00

Despite repeated promises otherwise, AmeriKKKa continues to send NIPpon BSE- (Bovine Spongy-stuff Encephallatio) tainted McBurgers. Due to the lack of cheap hakujin beef, JAPanese beef-bowl chains, such as Matsuya has had to force feed overweight punters pork bowls instead. Beef bowls are the staple of the JAPanese blue collar, such as lorry drivers and construction workers. Without Yoshinoya, gaylords will be forced to rectally consume Happy Meals up the bum. Enema style. And just look at the rainbow-coloured vomit these Mad Cows spew!

Denmark Hates The Gay Tariban!

2006-02-07T22:05:00.000-08:00

The Danes, who are known for tins of cheap biscuits and ham have desecrated The Prophet. Okama is very upset and is going to spearhead a boycott of all Danish goods, unless her name is Rie Rasmussen. ObR is also going to throw away all his Legos out of his cave dwelling. Bye bye Bionicle, (don't) miss you Mindstorms. Okama plans to dump his ecco shoes for granola-eating-biodiesel-snorting-hippie Birkenstocks. Finally, 'just say no' to Bang & Olufsen, the overpriced audio equipment manufacturer for Volvo-driving yuppies.

Memoirs of a GAYsha...

2005-12-03T09:30:00.000-08:00

There's a new rice chaser's ultimate wet dream of a movie that's out now, and it's called Memoirs of a GAYsha. It's based on the book that's written by rice chaser extraordinaire himself, Arthur Golden. The movie stars an exotic China(doll)-woman, Ziyi Zhang on a set the Gay Hollywood Jews erected. This results in a Euro-centric bastardization of the Orient, not since Madame Butterfry was written by the Dago - Giacomo Puccini. The movie uses the typical AmeriKKKan movie formula of a Cinderella story, which works for the typical brain-dead moviegoer. The white man is milking this flop of a movie to its extremes by introducing a cosmetic line, formulated with organic rice milk and fermented soybeans.

About the only redeeming thing about Arthur, Golden (Shower) is that he uses a Mac - but then again most okama authors do the same.

Chindia - World Techmology Domination!

2005-12-02T10:24:00.000-08:00

Chindia (CHINA getting jiggy with INDIA), is the new technological tour de force. Together, after doing the gay humpty dance, they will dominate the world as they pop out more engineers and scientologists than AmeriKKKa. The stats are clear - AmeriKKKa churns out a mere 50,000 engineers per annum, but the land of the Chinese Chicken-Choking Salad and the land of the Tikka-Turban Masala Vindaloo combined cranks out ten times more computer homos than the U.S. of A. In 2050, all AmeriKKKans will celebrate the Fourth of July by eating curry-flavoured chow mein takeaway whilst watching a Bollywood blockbuster. AmeriKKKans sitting in front of your computer and having a wank to lewd gay pron - take to your books, go to night skool, and get an edukashun unless you want to eat McCurry Big Macs for the rest of your life!

Notable Gay Okama Couples!

2005-10-12T09:29:00.000-07:00

Sherlock Holmes and Watson
Tom and Jerry - after their 'cat and mouse' chase, they move on to do it 'doggy style.'
Bert and Ernie - Okama remembers that there was one episode in Sesame Street that Bert was giving Ernie pointers on how to make (Okama surmises) 'their' bed.
Anne Heche and Ellen Degeneres - Okama regrets that Ellen's show is canceled and the famous couple has since broken up.
Siskel (dead as a doorknob) and Ebert
Batman and Robin (original TV series) - Grown men wearing tights living together in a cave; a sure sign of Okama-ness to the max!

Dell Customer Service Bytes!

2005-10-06T07:56:00.000-07:00

The following is a transaction via the DULL Computer Company chat customer service.

[BEGIN DULL CHAT SESSION]
(After being on hold for 2 hours and 43 minutes)
Swami Sri Sri Bagwan Patel: "Hello, thank you for contacting Dull Computer customer service in Bangalore. How may I be of service to you?"
ObR: "Yes, Okama bought one of your computers and..."
Swami Sri Sri Bagwan Patel: "Could I have your Dull Service Code (TM)? It's on the bottom of your Dull computer."
ObR: "OK, that would be D-U-L-L-P-O-S"
Swami Sri Sri Bagwan Patel: "OK, please hold on, I'm going on my mango lassi break."
(Another 3 hours and 13 minutes later...)
Swami Sri Sri Bagwan Patel: "Hello, thank you for contacting Dull Computer customer service. How may I be of service to you?"
ObR: "Yes, Okama was put on hold. Okama needs some help with his new Dull PocketPool (TM) PC?"
Swami Sri Sri Bagwan Patel: "May I please have your Dull Service Code (TM)? It's on the bottom of your Dull computer."
ObR: "Okama thinks he already gave you that, but for the record, that would be K-U-S-O-D-U-L-L"
Swami Sri Sri Bagwan Patel: "Oh, terribly sorry. I have to go now. I've had some bad mutton tikka masala and need to take a curry crap. The diarrhoea has hit the fan. Good night, and thank you for contacting Dull Computer."
[END DULL CHAT SESSION]

Music Companies Are Greedy!

2005-10-04T09:13:00.000-07:00

At the recent Apple Expo in Paris, Apple CEO said that "'Greedy' record companies are pushing for an increase in the price of music downloads." Although they make a bigger profit than selling CDs (so '90s), record companies would like to see one-hit wonder songs on the iTunes record store priced much, much higher. So what does that mean people? Is Okama going to pay $2.00 (US) for Rick Springfield while paying 49¢ (US) for Rick Astley?

Sony lets go of hard working N!PS...

2005-09-27T11:19:00.000-07:00

Three months after taking the helm, Sony Corp. gaijin CEO Howard Stringer announced Thursday a major restructuring of the firm that includes laying off 10,000 workers and closing 11 of its 65 electronics-manufacturing plants. Sony said it would cut 6% of its work force, or 10,000 jobs (on top of the 20,000 already euphemistically 'downsized'), by the end of March 2008 while scaling back or eliminating 15 unprofitable electronics operations. Sony said it expects to cut costs totaling ¥200 billion ($1.8 billion) over the next three years, much of which will come from plant closings, but it also hopes to raise ¥120 billion ($1.2 billion) from the sale of real-estate assets. Big rayoffs!

91.1 FM - KOBR

2005-09-27T11:06:00.000-07:00

5:30 AM-Ramadan Rap

5:35 AM-How To Hijack A Plane (without getting caught)
5:55 AM-Flight School Forum
6:00 AM-Prayer Time
6:01 AM-Awesome Allah
6:02 AM-Allah Hezbollah
6:05 AM-Gay Tariban Tomfoolery
7:00 AM-Comfy Cave Talk
7:30 AM-Look Like A White Man In Three Easy Steps
8:00 AM-Crop Duster Chronicles
8:30 AM-Gay Tariban Cooking Show - How To Prepare Tabouli and Falafel With Mustard Gas
9:00 AM-Turban Talk
9:11 AM-Twin Towers Talk
9:11 and 11 seconds AM-al Kaeda Krazy Korner
9:12 AM-Okama bean Ramadan
9:22 AM-Okama bean Burrito
9:33 AM-Hummus Hour
9:44 AM-Camel Corner
9:55 AM-Gregarious Gay Tariban Trials And Tribulations
10:11 AM-Ramen Ramadan
12:11 PM-Towel Head Talk
5:00 PM-At The Camel Jockey Races
7:00 PM-Fun With Falafels
10:00 PM-Burka Bint

Interview with 'Debito'

2005-09-27T10:30:00.000-07:00

Disclaimer: The term ‘Debito’ here does not refer in any way to the person Arudou Debito, or the man formerly known as David Christopher Aldwinckle. Although it could have been him.

ObR: Hello Debito-san. You are a beacon of hope for all gaijin living in this land of the rising sun. When did you first get interested in moving to Japan and obtaining citizenship?

Debito: Well thank you Okama! I came here first back in ’87 as on a pilot program of what is now the JET program with the monbusho. I got interested in Japan while watching many Japanese TV dramas alone in my dorm room with a box of Kleenex. Although I knew that Rie Miyazawa was underage at the time, I had inevitably developed terminal yellow fever. No white chick, not even Susanne Somers would do it for me since my first yellow spank.

ObR: What was your first impression of Japan?

Debito: I found out that the bitc… I, I mean women here squeal like pigs when I do a number on them but that’s fine with me. I got used to it after a while and became background noise when I would go for a quickie kyukei at various love hotels.

ObR: Do you find Japanese people xenophobic?

Debito: Not when they see the size of my weed whacker, which isn’t even huge by American standards. The women seem to be closed somewhat first but after a few insincere attempts to be chivalrous, their chopsticks seem to open up a bit.

ObR: What is your favourite Japanese food?

Debito: Not a ‘food’ per se, but it would be either ketcha-mayo, or choco-mayo. Otherwise, I like the steamed hot buns (curry-filled) from Lawson.

ObR: Do you love your wife?

Debito: Oh unequivocally! She’s great. She plays my shakuhachi when I wake up and makes me fresh miso (horny) soup. Her 'feature set' is so exotic. I love her almond-shaped eyes, sloped forehead, flat chest, buckteeth, flat nose… – 'China-doll' features, you know? We have two beautiful hapa children who were ordained with genuine Japanese names – like Tanaka and Watanabe.

ObR: Why did you change your name?

Debito: Since I teach now at a university in Japan groping naïve incoming students during my office hours and bought a house in the land of the rising sun, I feel very attached to this place. Besides, I’ve always thought I was a Nipponjin wrapped in a gaijin foreskin.

ObR: Have you ever groped any female high-school students in uniform on the train?

Debito: Hey now, what are you instigating now Okama? You don’t think I’m a pervert do you? Yes, I’ve ‘copped a feel’ here and there, but let’s face it, it was a fully-packed tsukin-ressha you know? Japanese women know when to keep their yaps shut when it’s to my advantage. That’s most important to me, as a henna-gaijin in Nippon.

ObR: Have you ever been refused admission into a sento due to your gaijin status?

Debito: Why yes, unfortunately. During my early days in JAPan, I’ve committed the cardinal sin in these communal bath houses of not washing oneself before entering the shared bath tub. Then I accidentally did one better by letting loose a floater in the water. It must have been the two jumbo helpings of miso ramen that led to this blunder.

ObR: Do you think the soaring crime rate in Japan is not because of Chinese and Russian criminal gangs?

Debito: Absolutely! Most foreigners in Japan are law-abiding citizens. I’ve gotten proof that the media blows the foreigner crime rate in Japan out of proportion. Just the other day, I saw two uniform-clad high-school girls riding double on a bicycle. That’s highly illegal here and makes me upset.

ObR: Lastly, if you hate it here so much, why do you continue to live here? Do you have a cushy job?

Debito: I’d be such a loser back in the States since I was a virgin until I came to Japan and started scoring as if I got lucky in Vegas with some horny and generally clueless Japanese b!tches. I can watch all the perverted anime, have a wank in public, take upskirt pics with my cell phone camera, and that’s business as usual.

Family Mart Opens In West Horrywood!

2005-08-15T11:24:00.000-07:00

Okama's new homo hangout has just had its grand opening in West Horrywood! It's called Famima, or short for Famiry Mart, the monopolistic convenience store chain in NIPpon and Chinaland. The cutesy Nip food and drink are perfect for gay portions. Not to mention the decadent fairy-friendly desserts. Any gay-curious person can go in and get a 'creme brulee puff' (real item) and an 'amino VITAL' to stock up on their protein juice reserves. Various rice balls are on sale too, like ketcha-mayo*, I, I mean tuna-mayo bukkake rice balls. So open up your reluctant legs West Homowood, spread-eagle style 'coz ObR is cummin' home!

* Don't ask, if you are perverted enough and JAPanese, you know what this term means!

Work From The Comforts Of Your Own Cave!

2005-07-06T23:02:00.000-07:00

* The euphemistic symbols, '$$$' stand for Okama-bucks (akin to Disney Dollars at Disneyland) that can be redeemed at the Okama Store on his website. Earn up to $10,000,000 Okama-bucks per week. Okama-bucks are non-transferable and have no cash value (worth less than toilet paper that you use to wipe your dingleberrys).

Cup Noodles Inventor Croaks At 95

2005-06-10T22:15:00.000-07:00

On the first of June, Momofuku Ando, the inventor of instant (Okama bin) ramen noodles kicked the bucket at the tender age of 95. He apparently, while choking his chicken, choked on a noodle since his esophagus was giving out. The flaming gaylord will be missed by many a starving college student.

The homo started Nissin in 1948, and seeing all the other homos standing in line to eat a hot bowl of noodles from the yatai (oriental food booth on a rickshaw), in 1958 he decided to give the Nips, and later the world, a 3-minute ersatz version laden with MSG and other carcinogens. The product back then was not called 'Top Ramen' or 'Smack Noodles,' but (choke my) Chicken Ramen. In 1971, Momofucku (spell check!) created 'Cup Noodles' obviating the need for a separate ramen bowl and further raising the cholesterol levels of diabetics.

That said, Okama's favourite is Ra-oh. No gay Tariban can figure out how those JAPanese okamas made instant noodles taste fresh made. Okama enjoys Ra-oh in his cave hideout while watching FOX News. It tastes much better than freeze-dried falafel.

Japan Co., Now Run by Gaijin CEOs

2005-05-27T11:02:00.000-07:00

Gaijin like Carlos Ghosn and Sir Howard Stringer are taking over JAPan with the ferocity of a
delusional Edo-period shogun!

First it was with Mazda, the JAPanese car company whose cars bar the MX-5 and RX-7 and 8 were utter crap. Mazda got bent up the cornhole by the white socialist slavemaster Henry Ford. Then followed the other NIPpon car companies – Mitsubishi, Suzuki, Subaru, and Nissan. Nissan is at least run by a fellow camel-jockey Carlos Ghosn (pronounced ‘Go-sun’). Go • camel • fudgepackers!

After cars, the white man violates the forbidden territory of Oriental consumer electronics, the holy grail of JAPanese techmology where traditionally they were able to make absurdly small vibrators and upskirt cameras.

So now Sony is run by a Welshman Sir Howard Stringer. This is abhorrent! Wales isn’t even a country for christsake! It’s a sh!thole spec of a dumpster in the depressing U.K. If it weren’t for the British WRC Rally ObR wouldn’t give a toss about the bugger of a place. But Okama digresses.

So what’s next in line for the hakujin acquisition? I believe these are possible targets:

- Tokyo Tower – The white man is going to turn this into a huge homo dildo.
- NHK – Gay gaijins are going to transform the JAPanese national broadcast station to produce only reality and talk shows
- Uniqlo – GAP will buy them out. Not a huge difference then.
- MUJI – Zen-themed plain-jane lifestyle products will be acquired by IKEA.
- Tokyo Disneyland – They are going to stop selling Mickey Mouse rice cake gift boxes and no more kimono-clad Minnie Mouse frolicking in front of the Snow White castle!
- Universal Studios Japan – Okama hasn’t been there but more of the same as NIPpon Disneyrand.
- Ito-Yokado (7-Eleven Japan) – No more onigiri and oden! Say konnichiwa to microwave burritos and Slurpees served by Sundeep!
- McDonald’s Japan – Say sayonara to the Teriyaki Burger! Hello double-six-dollar burger with pastrami sh!t blood special.

JAPan is being wanked by whiteys and there is no end to this rape and pillage.

OCS - Okama Computer Store

2005-05-16T15:14:00.000-07:00

Services Offered:

- Hardware upgrade
- Software upgrade
- Firmware upgrade
- Erectile dysfunction downgrade
- Featured system:

9.11kHz Okama Engine binary integer processor
9.1.1 Super Okama BIOS (Butt In-Out Sex)
9.11MHz hard (gay sex) drive
911kB ROM (Random Okama Memory)
911MB RAM (Ramadan A$$hole Memory)
911TB SRAM (Super Ramadan Assam Memory)
9.11-inch LCD LSD TFT OLED O.P.I.U.M. screen
9.11x CD-ROM hard drive removable storage
OkamaSoft WinObR operating system (vers. 9.1.1)
Make your own snuff movies with oMovie, burn your gay Freddy Mercury music with oTunes, and organize your t@welhead family photos with oPhoto.
USB (Ukama Sukebe* Bus) and OkamaWire fudgepacking connectivity
Computer doubles as suicide bomb in self-destruct sequence mode (special 'blue-screen of Okama' keyboard shortcut - Ctrl-Start-Insert-Enter you dirty gaylord)
Information Superhighway Cyberspace browser included - Mosaic 1.0
9.11 months free ISP OSL (Okama Subscriber Line) included. Service starts on eleventh of September.

* 'Pervert' in Japanese

Anti-JAPanese Protests by Chinamen

2005-05-11T17:02:00.000-07:00

ObR is saddened by the recent atrocities committed by the Chinamen and Chinawimmin, demonstrating their hatred of the Nips in mainrand China. Okama sees no justification for this hate. ObR only wants love and share, hugs and care, and all that soporific fuzzy emotional crap. We should all get along, g@@ks, F.O.B.s, and Chiggers. Here are his justifications that JAPan and Chinaland should get along. Just look at all the shiznit they have in common!

The Chinese and Japanese loveshafts are the size of chopsticks
Both eat raw fish
Both eat raw ramen
Both have slanted slits for eyes
Neither can drive
Both have bad taste in pop music, mainly consisting of boy- and girl-groups
Both have sh!tty fashion taste – the devil does wear Prada…
Both have been funked by da white man

Clearly the similarities are endless. Both countries must amend ties and start humping each other gay-porn style.

No highs, no lows - must be BOSE

2005-05-08T17:47:00.000-07:00

Those who know ObR know that ObR is into stereo equipment. ObR likes to blast Ravi Shankar and watch 9/11 action replays on his home theatre system. The 1979 Iran hostage crisis is also ObR's favorite home-theatre footage. Oh yeah, Okama also likes to listen to belly dance music too with the volume knob turned way past 11. ObR hates corporate crap though, and there is one specious company that comes to mind that bothers him. ObR is sad that Dr. Amar Gopal Bose, a fellow towelhead (he is Bengali) has sold out to the masses. ObR will attempt to debunk some 'Bose myths.' Hold on to your seatbelts boys and beeyotches because ObR is going to spread his venom!

- "Better Sound Through Research" - First of all, Bose speakers sound like s#!t! Go to any recording studio, high-end audio store, or Okama’s cave dwelling and one will never find any Weapons of Bose Destruction.
- Bose® Direct/Reflecting® speaker technology - Pure B.S. No speaker in a recording studio uses this design. What about at home? If anything, one has to minimize reflections so one needs to point the speakers toward the listener stoopid idiot!
- Bose® Acoustimass® speaker technology - A fancy name for what is called a bandpass sixth-order enclosure. Of course, if anyone tries to build one and sell it, Bose's corporate lawyers will be knocking on your door suing your a$$.
- Acoustic waveguide speaker technology - This is nothing new ignoramus. It's just a marketing-enhanced bulls#!t misnomer for a type of loudspeaker enclosure called 'transmission line'. Of course Bose patents the stupid thing and then sends out corporate lawyers to sue 'patent infringers.'
- Jewel Cube® speakers - Haven't you heard of 'tweeters' you gaylord?

Okama thinks Mr. Bose should go back to India to watch 5-hour Bollywood movies eating tikka masala with his dirty gaylord hands.